Finally, we can all stop holding our breath. The world now has absolutely conclusive proof that Vienna's Peter Kruder and Richard Dorfmeister enjoy smoking pot. A lot. My proof? Take a look at any publicity shot of K&D.; I'll sacrifice a goat to the sun god if in that photo one of them isn't puffing on, rolling, thinking about, or reeling from the effects of a joint. Plus, there's the plain fact that the duo must have been stoned beyond comprehension when they decided which tracks to remix for The K&D; Sessions. Their conversation probably went something like this:

D: "Dude, you have to come over here and listen to this shit. Bring those chips with you, too."

K: "Good lord... this song is absolutely atrocious! What the hell is it? It sounds like Dikembe Mutombo reciting a 15-year-old girl's diary."

D: "Rockers Hi-Fi. Let's remix it!"

K: "You're so fucked up. That's a horrible idea."

D: "You're right, dude. Why would we... wait! If we remix it twice, two bad songs could make a good song. It's like multiplying two negative numbers..."

K: "Totally! And quit eating all my chips... I'm starving."

Thus, we are blessed with two versions of the exceedingly terrible "Going Under" by Rockers Hi-Fi. At least, I hope this is why. But the fun doesn't stop there. Have you ever wondered why no one drops science like it was the intro to 'The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air' anymore?" If you answered yes, then Kruder and Dorfmeister have your fix in the form of another two remixes of Bomb the Bass' "Bug Powder Dust," endowed with the lyrical prowess of the least-gifted MC since Shaq-Fu. Not only is he "tryin' like hard" to not blow his cover, but he also has "the soul of the 60's like Ginsberg's Al." Kids, if you're not Ad Rock, don't attempt either of those at home.

But I digress. Not a shred of my diatribe thus far has explained the revere that these two inspire from uber-cool latte sippers and beat purists alike. The brief answer is this: a handful of the tracks on this sprawling 2xCD set demonstrate a mastery of rhythm unseen in DJ'd music since DJ Shadow bestowed upon us the gift of ...Endtroducing. Out of the depths of their remix material's musical void, Kruder and Dorfmeister assemble organic downtempo triumphs which may alone be sufficient to perpetuate the otherwise trite brand of music currently labeled "trip-hop."

The foundation upon which the majority of these songs are based is excellent, tastefully executed percussion from an actual drum kit. In building their lush soundscapes from the ground up, these two are able to make even a tired beat sound invigorated by adding in new elements of their own design. But most importantly, they manage to avoid what I call "DJ Krush Syndrome:" the psychological malfunction that tells a DJ that leaving the same boring beat untouched for five minutes at a time is innovative. Thus, a good Kruder and Dorfmeister remix easily captivates the listener with inventive, dynamic drum hooks layered deftly upon one another.

I can't disregard the fact that only a minority of the tracks on The K&D; Sessions exemplify this sorely needed industriousness and attention to detail. The entire second disc is, at best, thoroughly boring. It may as well be added to my collection of America Online trial CDs-- it's unbearably dull, even as background music. Quite unlike the first disc, the beats on the second disc begin unexcitingly and never mutate much. And though many of the tracks have an aggravatingly large potential to evolve into much better songs, they instead end up as endless successions of over-echoed jazz samples and repetitive rhythms.

Despite the panache generated by this release, I'm reluctant to give The K&D; Sessions a higher rating. The first disc is innovative and engaging enough to garner high marks, but ultimately, even Kruder and Dorfmeister's skills can't allay the deep visceral pain I experience while listening to any sort of noise emanating from the Rockers Hi-Fi and Bomb the Bass vocalists. Even so, the last five tracks on the first disc are so mind-blowing that the wholly disposable second disc cannot weigh it down. The K&D; Sessions is well worth purchasing if you consider yourself a beat fanatic, and especially if you've been waiting with baited breath for that downtempo remix of Bone Thugs 'N Harmony's "1st of tha Month."

-Taylor M. Clark