Haven't had enough of that high- pitched synth- run- through- a- wah- wah- effect? Love that sound soulless texture of padded drum kits and popping basses? Is the "organ" you hear on your Casio SK-1 Sampling Keyboard the only organ you've ever heard? Do you like those inner- city hip- hop beats sped up, smoothed out and extra dorky? Are you a dry- ice lovin', gold- chain- wearin' wanker who still giggles when ordering blowjob shooters at the local dance bar? Do you love unimaginative, ingratiating party- down records? Friend, let me just say this: your taste in music has gone to shit. Secondly, I'm here to tell you about a record you'll love.

Perhaps we should have been tipped off by the fact that this record was produced in Orlando, that hotbed of soulful innovation. Lots of people will probably like this (just like lots of people love Orlando), but that doesn't make it legitimate in our eyes, even in a relativist sense. Let me reiterate: this is crap. It's a watered- down version of sample- based electronica that packs clubs, sells jeans and lulls people into thinking that everything is just plain fucking a-okay. The only thing "abstract" about this collection is the fact that they used the word "abstract" in their name, which might even be some giant inside joke.

For all those about to send hate mail, let me just say that Q-Burns is probably a great person with a fantastic sense of humour who loves fans and has an enormous amount of respect for the Dalai Lama. Oh and yes, Oeuvre is also a totally wicked collection of supergrooves. And who the hell am I, anyway, just criticizing people like that? I'm probably a frustrated musician myself and, obviously, just jealous.

Join the great big line and take a great big number. And sit your great big ass down.

-Samir Khan