Today we'll examine the burning question: "What effect does geography have on music?"

On the surface, this one's pretty easy. You think Zimbabwe and you're unlikely to be thinking about heavy metal. You can't think of Canada without conjuring up noxious images of Bryan Adams. Germans love David Hasselhoff, and while he may be an American, he managed to find a country full of dumb people that accepted him for being their new fuhrer.

Now, let's dig deeper. Could Sonic Youth have come from anywhere but New York City? How likely is it that we would have found the Beach Boys outside of California? Willie Nelson is straight out out Texas. And this band, Ultimate Fakebook, is about as Lawrence, Kansas as they come. What's that? You say you don't know Lawrence, Kansas? Me neither, but I'm not letting it stop me. Come, take my hand... although, if you're gonna come you may wanna wash up first. Follow me to the Lawrence, Kansas I know from the sounds of Ultimate Fakebook.

Lawrence has a population of 17 people, all of whom are big fans of Ultimate Fakebook. Over there in front of the feed store is Charlie McInbred. "Shoot, I jus' love the rock and roll as much as I love my wife and my sister."

"That would be me," Laverne says. "Laverne McInbred-McInbred."

"She hyphenated her name!" Charlie exclaims.

"And I sell feed. Oh, we jus' love the rock and roll of Ultimate Fakebook. It sounds like all those songs they used to play on the radio a few years ago, like Green Day and Material Issue. Only it's different."

"How?"

"Canchew tell?" Charlie asks, picking his nose and wiping it on a small index card that doubles as the phonebook for Lawrence. "It's got that Kansas sound! That's the state, not the band."

"Although, we love them too, honey."

"I think they're on the radio now!" Charlie exclaims, and reaches behind his head to a tin can attatched to a string. The string, I see, runs halfway down the block to a small radio station with no antenna. "Naw, they're doing the ag report again."

In the middle of the road in front of the feedstore, three kids are standing around shuffling their feet. "Look, there's Ultimate Fakebook now!" Laverne says, pointing and waving. "Yoo-hoo!"

"Stop," one of the guys says. "You'll make us feel all Wichita cool. We just wanna, you know, rock."

"Well, we jus' love your rock and roll, don't we?"

Uh-oh. She's talking to me. "Um... no."

"No?" Laverne asks.

"No?" Charlie asks, reaching for his gun.

"No," I say, and through the magic of typing more and more bullshit into the computer, I escape unscathed, except... well, I've still got this copy of an album that should have been called Dookie II: What We Can Do, Too! What can they do? Not a lot. But I guess as far as Lawrence goes, these guys are Budokan and Lollapalooza wrapped up in multiplatinum record sales. I'll believe it when I see it.

-Jason Josephes