Most of us have taken the SAT at one point in our lives. Yes, a warm wave of nostalgia invariably overtakes us when we recall that enchanted Saturday morning we spent in the exceedingly intellectual environment of a high school gym, striving to prove our mental acumen to a merciless ScanTron machine somewhere in New Jersey. So I thought it would be both sentimental and highly clever to kick off this review with a few analogies from the SAT Verbal section. Let's warm up, shall we? Here's an example:

Ex. Salad Shooter: Lettuce:: Billy Joel: My Jangled Nerves.

In order to demonstrate how the two comparisons relate, we will construct a model sentence. In the case of the first pair, we may say that a Salad Shooter swiftly and maliciously mauls Lettuce beyond recognition. Similarly, Billy Joel's music swiftly and maliciously mauls My Jangled Nerves beyond recognition. Now that we're refreshed on analogy protocol, let's move on to some questions.

1) Wolves: Pack:: Misguided, Tasteless College Students: ?????

Hint: A model sentence to use here would be the following: When Wolves congregate, they form a Pack. When Misguided, Tasteless College Students congregate, they form... that's right, a Dave Matthews Band Concert! I would have also accepted a fraternity, MTV, and my Grandma's 80th birthday party. Moving on:

2) Up: Space Shuttles:: Down: ?????

Hint: Space Shuttles go Up at astronomical rates of speed. What then, goes Down at astronomical rates of speed? Correct! Elton John. If your mind is incapable of dredging up such filth, also permissible were Microsoft stock, Lou Bega album sales, and your level of interest in this review. So I'll get to the point.

3) Wet: Water:: Utterly Inane: ?????

The defining, inescapable characteristic of Water is that it is Wet. Likewise, the defining, inescapable characteristic of the Marshmallow Coast's Seniors and Juniors is that it is Utterly Inane. The Marshmallow Coast is comprised of Andy Gonzales, famed for his work with Of Montreal, who sounds like the nightmarish result of an imprudent mixture of Sean Lennon, chronic nasal congestion, and copious estrogen. Not only is this album thoroughly dull, but to make matters even more unbearable, it is actually a complete imitation of a musical endeavor that was rather mediocre in the first place: the Music Tapes' 1st Imaginary Symphony for Nomad.

On this point, I must acknowledge the musical expertise of beloved editor and yoga legend Ryan "Rock!" Schreiber, who told me that he listened to 30 seconds of Seniors and Juniors and could tell immediately that it was a Music Tapes knockoff. But little did he know that the album is actually dedicated to Julian Koster, Mr. Music Tapes himself, a close personal friend of Gonzales. Not only can Mr. Schreiber instantly tell that a disc is absolute crap, but he can also rapidly discern exactly what type of crap it is. Hats off.

Seniors and Juniors sounds like something stolen from the old "Gumby" episodes that featured that surreal, bizarre versions of children's music. Train whistles, xylophones, cheap Casio keyboards and ukuleles are employed with reckless abandon throughout the album. Gonzales appears to be attempting to merge the more vaudevillian Beatles sound featured on such songs as "Honey Pie" and "When I'm Sixty-Four" with a nostalgic brand of music which hearkens back to his grade school days. Unfortunately, Gonzales has a remarkable penchant for striking an unconditionally wrong chord directly following anything vaguely interesting that he creates. Thus, Seniors and Juniors brings about a nebulous feeling of discomfort which intensifies exponentially with each passing second, making it physically difficult to listen to. Perhaps if Gonzales somehow dumps the childish kitsch, he may someday become an adept songwriter. As it stands, Seniors and Juniors is an exhaustingly unimpressive effort.

-Taylor M. Clark