There must be nothing worse on than being a bland CD. As a lifelong music fan and one of the Royal Elite Pitchfork Armored Guard, I swear on a stack of sweaty priests that I'd take a 74- minute- long pile of the worst audio shit you've ever heard over the damp gray limbo that is "good background music." Personally, I savor the bad shit that comes my way, because in the long run, at least it's interesting. Shit is something you remember years down the line. It's something you warn your friends about, something you start barfights over, something that gets the ol' adrenaline pump goin'. The bland stuff just kind of sits there, lingering.

Which brings me to Cake Like, and their sophomore release, Goodbye, So What. Don't jump to conclusions or anything-- the album doesn't really qualify as "bland," but it's pretty close. I mean, sure, it's a strong, well- made album, put together by three seriously talented musicians. Unfortunately, it's also like a half- heated Hot Pocket-- full of warmth and goodness in places, but cold as a bucket of Eskimo piss in others. Still, hope remains.

For the sake of being positive, let's discuss the album's good qualities first. Let's see... the songwriting is smart, Nina Hellman's guitar lays a strong, jagged foundation for each song (on top of her extremely creepy backing vocals), and Jody Seifert beats her drumkit until it pays for itself. Kerri Kenney, former comedy wizard from MTV's "The State," doesn't attempt to steal the show with her wit, and instead allows her distinctive vocals to take over while her reserved basslines wander quietly around the background.

Cake Like's sound is hard to pin down. It's not angry or mean enough to be punk, not political or anti- man enough to be riot grrl, and not dumb enough to be pop-- nothing revolutionary, but it keeps the album interesting. The songs may not always be surprising, but they've got a little depth and personality. The band takes the road less traveled, never playing the expected chord or singing the expected lyric. If anything, Goodbye, So What is original and distinctive, and that goes a long way towards non-blanditude.

At its best, Goodbye can be rocking and creative. Makes a brother reminisce about the days there was such a thing as "alternative music." But when Cake Like dips into familiar rock song territory, their lustre starts to fade. "Blacked Out and Blue," a song about a rich girl's heroin addiction is clever and a little spooky, but at the end of its three minutes, it winds up just being another cliche about a poor kid doing dope. Not to sound like a total bastard, but we've been preached to about drugs since the beginning of time, and Cake Like's message is no more effective than MC Hammer's. The problem here isn't so much with Cake Like's handling of the material, it's what they didn't do that's infuriating-- it's almost like the subject matter was too touchy and the band got afraid of taking chances. And it's a little embarrassing hearing the band pussing out this far into the album, after they've already proven they can dish out inventive and memorable melodies. It's like watching the prize honor student flunking math because she's too smart to study.

The same problem crops up other places on Goodbye, So What, most notably on the final track, "I Miss You." After several listens, this beautiful, sad ballad about lost love loses steam, serving as kind of a poor choice for a closer. Its gentle slide guitars, soft, introspective lyrics and trite bullshit subject matter just don't stand out.

From any other band, Goodbye might have been good enough-- at least a noble effort-- but people tend to expect more from bands that have already proven their worth. Cake Like has more than enough talent, and if they actually buckled down, they could make whole albums of pure, musical gold. Don't count on it, though. Once a band shows their lazy side, there's rarely any turning back.

-Steven Byrd