Nakedness. It's a problem that has plagued mankind since the dawn
of creation. As far back as the book of Genesis, people have been shamed and disgraced
by the sight of their own exposed forms. For eons, we have struggled to shield
the hideous human body, but the task has eluded us. We simply have not had the
technology. Until now.
The Great Discovery happened here, at the world's most advanced scientific
research station: the heralded Pitchfork Biodome in Chicago, Illinois. Our interns
have toiled night and day on a project whose scope is so vast, so colossal,
that it now has the potential to affect every man, woman and child on this planet,
and to change life as we know it. It is with great pride that we at Pitchfork
Interglobal Enterprises, in conjunction with Fruit of the Loom, may now unveil
this world-altering creation, and share it with our fellow beings. Ladies and
gentlemen, we present to you: The Pitchfork T-shirtTM.
The first of its kind, the Pitchfork T-shirt is made from 100% cotton: it
is not only comfortable beyond imagination; it is also wildly attractive. Your
peers will stare, mouths agape, as you strut by, "clothed" for the first time
ever, in this highly advanced, one-of-a-kind nudity shield. Its sheer elegance
has been proven magnetic in social situations, allowing you to easily make new
friends or to find that mysterious mate. And the icing on the cake: you'll be
showing your love for Pitchfork, just as your ancestors once did for the Apollo.
Now, how much would you expect to pay for an item like this? 10, 20,000 dollars?
Oh, we could easily have made this incredible item available only to the very
rich. Instead, we have chosen to make a difference in the lives of millions
for a mere $12.99, including shipping! For the price of a cup of coffee
(at Starbucks), your grotesque torso can finally be hidden from the world for
the rest of your days.
Fashion and comfort at a price you can afford. Is this a dream? No,
my friends. This is Pitchfork.
Elitism is Sexy
(click image for close-up)
All sizes: $12.99 (includes shipping!)
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Wizard's Cap
(click image for close-up)
All sizes: $12.99 (includes shipping!)
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T-shirts are available in Small, Medium, Large, and Extra
Large, Fruit of the Loom heavyweight cotton tee.
and are Copyright 2001, Pitchforkmedia.com. Please allow a maximum
4-6 weeks for delivery.
