Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense

From drummer?: Someone who hangs out with musicians.

From funeral:

Funerals don't have to be expensive. They can be extremely cheap, and also environmentally sound. The best way to go is in a cardboard coffin, with a tree planted on top.

I think this conceivably was not intended as a joke

From Ontario:

[Niagara Falls]? is on the border between Ontario and some unimportant part of the USA

I suppose if one was actually from North Tonowonda, it could be important, maybe...

America's most liveable city.

Located on the Ohio River across from Kentucky.

Consists of Cincinnati, plus Cincinnati's north eastern suburbs.

From an Englishman's diary:

• Monday: I went drinking with the Poles
• Tuesday: I think I'm going to die
• Wednesday: I went drinking with the Poles again
• Thursday: Why the hell didn't I die on Tuesday...

And in Poland they tell this joke about russians ... Oh, well

    -- Drachs

A quick guide for those living in the United States - Colour is spelt with a 'u', Aluminium has 5 syllables, and Encyclopaedia does indeed have an 'a' in it. In addition, sulphur is not spelt with a 'f', foetus has an 'o', and 'organisation' is indeed spelt with an 's', as are many other words you spell with a 'z' (which is incidentally a 'zed', not a 'zee'), and it's "spelt," not "spelled." And if you can't use apostrophes correctly, *learn*. It's not hard. Plurals don't need them, normal possessives do, contractions do, 'its' as a posessive doesn't. Thank you. --- well, actually, I'm not partial to either spelling of sulphur, but the scientific community spells it with an 'f', so I suppose we're stuck with it. and to quote dave barry badly, "the apostrophe is used to warn the reader that an 's' is coming up, as in 'Try our hot dog's.'"

From AustriA: Austrians are known as the best lovers worldwide. Ha ha ha! You mean that's not an objective fact?! :-) Ever been to Austria?? Then you'll know what I mean;-)

Q: How do you make a little box?

A: With little boards. ;-)

What do you mean by 'little box'?

What's big and red and eats rocks??

A big red rock-eater. Everyone knows that. But what is big, red and eats sand?

Amusingly enough, I put this here because i just discovered that a friend of mine (non-English-speaking) did not know this. :-) And ... I dunno, what?

I played the Recorder when i was in 6th grade -Zed

The ultimate goal of logic is to show nothing can be proved.

Poop Of Pleasure 3

Lincoln was shot at Ford's Theater. John F. Kennedy was shot in a Ford Lincoln. Gerald Ford was shot at, but they missed.

Trilobita that aren't entirely sure whether or not God exists. Just kidding.

Cryptozoology studies such "hidden", undiscovered and possibly non-existent creatures as the bigfoot, what happens when a sock disappears from the washing machine, (cf. Patterson-Gimlin? film) and the Loch Ness Monster.

1.The 'accidental' theory. 2.The 'conspiracy' theory.

Type 1 folks believe that events happen without cause, you could say, accidentally. History simply unfolds as it will!

The type 2 people believe in the causation of History. How do events, people, and things, interelate, interweave, and deliberately cause certain things to happen, not accidentally? History unfolds as it is willed!

Which type are you?

More than in wikipedia comentary, i think this belongs on [jokes and other deleted nonsense]?

"Volvox is a : what is Volvox? Plant? Animal? Mold? Fungus? I think it's a crashed Volvo."

?We the People . . . do ordain and establish this Constitution.? These words are contained in the Constitution?s Preamble and give expression to the doctrine of popular sovereignty, or rule by the people. People and communities believe they have power and influence over the decisions that affect their lives. The constitution states that everyone choosing to be heard is heard and understood. People are given responsibility and integrity of leadership. Citizens are leaders. The government is not dominant, but limited. The nation?s power of authority is separated into groups. Our times compel us to confirm the principles of democracy and take action. The United States Constitution, as formulated in Philadelphia during the summer of 1787, was clearly based upon the principles of democracy. These words are contained in the Constitution?s Preamble and give expression to the doctrine of popular sovereignty, or rule by the people. People and communities believe they have power and influence over the decisions that affect their lives. The constitution states that everyone choosing to be heard is heard and understood. People are given responsibility and integrity of leadership. Citizens are leaders. The government is not dominant, but limited. The nation?s power of authority is separated into groups. Our times compel us to confirm the principles of democracy and take action. The United States Constitution, as formulated in Philadelphia during the summer of 1787, was clearly based upon the principles of democracy. The principle which states that people are the only source of governmental power is called popular sovereignty. In democracy, this delegation of sovereign authority takes place through general elections. The 15th amendment of the Constitution states that all citizens of the United States have the right to vote without regard to race, color, or previous condition of servitude. In Article II, section 1, clause 2 the electoral college is set up, in which the people indirectly vote for the president by voting on people to represent them in the vote. In the preamble of the Constitution, the first three words are "We the people". This implies that the document was written from the perspective of the people of the United States, and that all information contained therein is authorized by them, therefore the source of the government's power. Also, at the closing stages of the Constitution, representatives of nine states approve the document. Citizens have control of the government.

"balls for president"

Hitler is not dead. The Germans cloned him just before he"died". Hitler and the new world order are behind this. Also, There are some new additions to the New World Order. These new additions are Mousillini, Stalin, Feidel Castro, Atillia the Hun, Genghis Kahn, and Sadam Husein. --Note- Atillia and Genghis Khan are the decendants of the original people-- they hijacked the planes that hit the world trade center and the Pentagon.

Plato was also a tragic child star who recently died of a drug overdose. Purportedly, there was some kind of mysterious curse hanging over the entire cast and crew of 'Different Strokes' - a modern reference to Greek Tragedy. . .or, more specifically, Modern-Day Greek Archetypes. Was Plato actually Persephone? Think about it.

They [the Diggers] tried to graze their animals again on the commons. The commons had been taken away to raise sheep to feed the woolen mills of the Industrial Revolution. The king's men slaughtered them. They were called the Diggers because they were digging graves every day.

The United States is historically remarkable for being the first nation with obese poor people.

Sociology is grand! It is the study of social structures like laws and rules and regulations and what we sociologists call. "Mores (pronounced more A's, beloved students) :-) and folkways and customs and taboos.

The word, "sociology", in its furthest "Far out!" context, is a real mind-bender because it means the study of all humanity.

"Sir! You think I can study six BILLION people?" :-)

Good Lord! :-)

Sociology! SOCIOLOGY!

Sociologists are the Gardeners in the Mind -- the "Ideaculturists" in the Garden if the Human Mind, quite like the horticulturists who deal with other growing things.

See a good offshoot? Perhaps help it along?

Cheers! :-)

As of 2001, there are roughly 6 billion people on the planet. Assuming each one takes a dump once a day, there are 6 billion times a day at least that the anus does it's work. Truly this is proof of its thorough design and well crafted construction. Unless of course you don't believe anything designed the anus. Anyways.

Even more common than dump taking is fart?ing, also done through the anus, that most durable and noble of organs.

TRANSMISSION FROM THE YEAR 2007: STANDBY FOR TIME MOVEMENT:

Weeding was generally thought to be the first indication

that Wikipedia would lose its free form nature and become moderated? by a small knit circle of fascist?s willing to impose their own intellectual aesthetic on others, much like Slashdot. Although this increased the consistency of the site and decreased the number of punctuation and spelling errors, a small and militant minority noticed the decrease in the intellectual diversity of the entries, and went on to form it's own splinter group, Shittipedia.

By 2005, Wikipedia had become an incorporated entity and was bought out by Westinghouse? for 35 million dollars, making many of it's key authors very wealthy, while simultaneously alientating tens of thousands of miscreants, ne'er do wells, and other undesirables (who in fact had provided 90% of its content).

See Also fascism elitism? [Internet Authority Disease]? --the naked net crusader

The Flintstones used devices to aid in computation millions of years ago, for instance the abacus.

Wiki Canonization is the lengthy process by which a wikipedian is promoted to wiki sainthood. The wikipope Larry I signs the decree.

Psycho: He's mother. The Crying Game: She's a he. Fight Club: He's beating himself up. The Sixth Sense: He's been dead the whole time.

from Wikipedia commentary/Wikipedia Anti-Rules Talk

"First of all let Cunctuator sell a Cunctipedia when enough HD space exists on the PC-unctuator. Second, it does grow weary to try so hard to propose that a new paradigm in an article exists(see New Age revison history), then find all these "science guys" slamming the book of rules(the 500 yr old scientific progress report) down. Third, where the hell is Kuala Lampur and why doesn't he feed them Koalas instead of making them wait around while he over-edits anything he wants ? "The Mate with a grate" eh ?--BF"

from ZABUALIENGOD?:

"ZABUALIENGOD TRUE RULER OF UNIVERSE IN SECRET ALLIANCE WITH PEOPLE THE FREE PEOPLE. FREE PEOPLE HAVE MIND CONTROL CHIPS REMOVED FROM THEIR HEADS. SECRET CIA NSA FBI IBM MICROSOFT MIND CONTROL CHIP INSERTED IN ALL HEADS AT BIRTH. THIS IS WHY JFK WAS ASSASINATED -- HE RESISTED THE SECRET MIND CONTROL CIA CONSPIRACY. THE CIA WAS TRYING TO UNLAWFULLY SUCK HIS BLOOD IN VIOLATION OF THE UNITED STATES CONSTITUTION THE TRUE AUTHOR OF WHICH IS ZABUALIENGOD. ZABUALIENGOD SAY DO NOT ALLOW MEN IN BLACK RIDING BLACK HELICOPTERS TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD OR THEY WILL DRIVE YOU MAD AND THEN FRAME YOU LIKE THEY DID TO DAVID KORESH AND TIMOTHY MCVEIGH. ZABUALIENGOD TRUE GOD PROPHESIED BY JOSEPH SMITH JR AND GOD REALLY WORSHIPPED BY MORMON CHURCH. ZABUALIENGOD ALSO TAUGHT BY LAFAYETTE RON HUBBARD AND HE IS GOD REALLY WORSHIPPED BY CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY ALSO. HE COME FROM HORSEHEAD NEBULA THAT THE PROPHET JOSEPH CALLED KALEB. PEOPLE WITH BAD ACNE WORSHIP THE DEVIL AND ZABUALIENGOD COMMANDS THAT THEIR FACE BE REMOVED SO THEY CAN NO LONGER WORSHIP HIM WITH THEIR FACE. ZABUALIENGOD SAY DRINK JIM BEAM AND BE SAVED, BUT ANYONE WHO DRINKS SOUTHERN COMFORT DRINKS THEIR OWN DAMNATION. CLASSICAL, BAROQUE AND ROMANTIC MUSIC ARE ALL SATANIC. BEETHOVEN AND MOZART ARE ENEMIES OF ZABUALIENGOD, LISTEN TO THEIR MUSIC AND YOU WILL PERISH. ZABUALIENGOD SAY LISTEN TO EVERCLEAR IF YOU WANT TO BE SAVED. HOT DOGS ARE TASTY ESPECIALLY WITH MUSTARD. AND BY THE WAY, ZABUALIENGOD CAN FLY LIKE BUZZ LIGHTYEAR, AND HAS MORE GADGETS IN HIS HAT THAN INSPECTOR GADGET. HE IS BEST FRIENDS WITH BARNEY THE DINOSAUR AND HE IS MARRIED TO ONE OF THE TELETUBBIES (CAN YOU GUESS WHICH ONE?). HE CURRENTLY RESIDES IN THE STATE OF MONTANA (TOLD YOU MONTANA PEOPLE ALL CRAZY) IN THE INFAMOUS BACKWOODS ALONG WITH MANY OTHER ALIEN DEITIES COMPETITING FOR CONTROL OF THIS SECTOR OF THE UNIVERSAL SPACETIMECONTINUUM BY USING CIA MIND CONTROL TECHNOLOGY. FNORD! PLEASE FNORD THIS MESSAGE TO GERALD FORD, JAMES BOND AND FRED FLINSTONE. GOOD BACKBUZZER! I NEVER KNEW I WAS IRISH."

From New Age:

"Rather than allowing language and written words to automatically induce a polarity on any subject, some New Age proponents escape the age-old traps of inferred meaning in an interesting manner. They believe truth instead comes from the energy shared by all forms of matter, rather than logic. They believe in a non-anthropomorphic energy state, which some (even non New Age believers) experience as divine energy, grace, (or Providence, karma, etc, depending on the background religious tradition). They believe that truth exists beyond the mind of mankind, without credentials or even correlations of Physics."

BF on Gareth Owen/Talk:

"Sometimes I feel like Madame Blavatsky in the present time! She fought tooth and nail with all the higher learned scientists and intelligensia of her day. Yet she was a woman like me who was fortunate, or unfortunate possibly, to receive knowledge about not only Scientific Laws but also revealed truths, from the Source. Now I understand the chuckling from everyone who peeks and tries to help out with New Age. They feel I am not playing in the same inverted Scientific Method as they play in, meaning They have a conclusion dignified by former duplication, and to enhance this theory they now work from a biased viewpoint, much like Pauli's exclusion principle, where I think he mentioned the idea of observer-influenced subatomic particle behavior ? So what happens is I present a NEW Age definition and in talk try to ally those who can understand sentence structure, and because they are still way back in time subscribing to the Cartesian coordinate system of 3 Dimensional Reality as "the only way it is, sister", does it not become mundane to chuckle back as they refuse to open up and drop the instilled indoctrination of the past, and try for just once to shift their awareness, and if that doesn't work, read Carlos Castaneda backwards ?"

From Muslim Language

But there is a secret language taught by the Prophet (peace be upon him) to his closest disciples, which only in this century has become publicly known. See http://www.geocities.com/muslimdict (enemies of Allah delete truth of his Prophet from this page, but Allah shall have HIS VENGANCE! they shall be cursed by Allah and go to HELL when they die! they are pagans and infidels and enemies of Islam, who deny the secret language revealed by Muhammad the prophet of Allah)

From optical isomerism

Proteins in the body are L-enantiomers whereas bacteria have the D form. Penicillum? only works on D-forms is therefore harmless to our body.

From Prussia/Waid

Part of the Cimbri or Kimbern came to Prussia ( Old Prussi Land ) Cimbri or Kimbern lived in northern Germania on the Juetland peninsula, called Cimbric Chersonaise 2000 years ago . More than 100 years before the birth of Christ Kimbern/Cimbri??, Teutones and Ambriones went south and west to defend against take-over attacks by the Roman empire . A group of Cimbri went from Juetland along the Baltic Sea further east and lived in Prussia . King Widewuto/ Waidewut and his brother , priest (B)Pruteno lead a Cimbric tribe and ruled over the Gaue- lands of Old Prussi Land. The lands were named after the sons of king /reik Widewuto. or Waidewut .

Wide /Waid? - German for Wissen, knowledge, wit ( see Saxon chief Wittekind, Widukind ) Wut - German for rage, fury ( see Odin Germanic highest god ) Wut - as a positive force , as in Arbeitswut , determination to work

Wotan ,called Odin Or Oden is the North Germanic language, are all one and the same name for the German god Wotan Wuotan, Woden etc. Differences in sounds and later spellings are caused by the many different Germanic languages or dialects. D = T (Thueringer -pronounce it Dueringer) A=E, O=U , Y-I etc.

Wut and Rage are the German language words for fury, rage. Zu wueten in German means to rage. Wotan was as unpredictable as nature itself.

Wotan was a nature god as were all the ancient gods of people in the world, before christianisation, or taking on of other religions. Wotan was present everywhere and always in disguise. On his travels throughout the world he wore an all encompassing big blue coat . This was the Himmel or sky. He was present in water and all naturplaces were held sacred. Modern Germans still hold nature places sacred and each city has a city forrest where every evening or at least every Sunday city dwellers "go back to their roots", as many people in other places do too.

The Catholic church turned all Germanic nature gods into anti-gods . Powerfull papal propaganda and individual zeal of monks to stamp out all "heathenism" turned the Germanic god Wotan into a wild warring beast , Freya or Frigg into a witch , Old Prussian language god Deiw ( lat.Deus ,greek Zeus ) into Deiwel-Teufel , or devil .

For the months of the year the Roman names have prevailed. For the days of the weeks the Germanic gods were kept.

While Slavic people had completely different gods , the Polish word for water is Woda .

Warp - low German language for werfen - to throw ,High German sound shift P=F or PF Oda ,Ode - wealth, treasure (German Allodie, Kleinode ). On Saxon emperors Otto I, II, III 's coins the name was spelled ODO or ODDO .

Old Prussian - Alt Preussen - used Wurf Keulen and Schlag Keulen , wooden throwing clubs and hitting clubs / maces . Prussians did not used metal swords , wooden clubs were deemed sufficient enough to do what is necessary and were not so final. Only later with attacks by other people did they have to take up swords.

Other Cimbri went to Italy and until the 20th century there were still people speaking a form of German Cimbric in Italy.

It is also assumed by historians and archeologists that Cimbri gave their name to Cimmerians at the Mediterranian Sea as well as ancient people in England.

Diabelli also spent several years as rhythm guitarist with Frank Zappa And The Mothers Of Invention. He is best remembered for his contributions to the magnum opus "Billy The Mountain".

Diabelli, a homosexual, also reportedly had a long-running affair with former Secretary Of Defense Caspar Weinberger.

My butt remains firmly on the fence. It seems harmless to me. --STG

I don't know...sitting firmly on a fence sounds like it could be pretty painful. --TheCunctator

Logical positivism asserts that only statements about empirical observations are meaningful, effectively asserting that all metaphysical statements are meaningless.

Unfortunately, this fundamental tenet of logical positivism belongs to the family of statements that it asserts to be meaningless. As a result, the entire edifice of logical positivism vanishes in a puff of logic.

This insight appears not to have occurred to the logical positivist school of philosophers.