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Tournament Reports
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3/1: The Epic Tales of Chad Ellis in New Orleans
- Chad Ellis
"It was the most pimping weekend ever."
- Ed Fear
"You know everything that comes out of Ed Fear's mouth is a savage lie."
- Anonymous PT Player
"Who cares?"
- Me, still laughing at Ed's stories
WARNING: This report is not suitable for all audiences. Specifically, my cousin Jesse Alling should not be allowed to read this report as he is too young. Having said that, since I took his sister to see Chasing Amy when she was too young for it, I'm just going to say, "Jesse, please don't tell your parents that I wrote this." Same goes for any other kids out there -- no one in my family older than my generation needs to know about this.
On the other hand, this report does have most of what you'd expect from me, and it does cover my win of the day two PTQ. Besides, as Hammer (who invited me to go to a strip club with him at PTLA last year and got turned down because they "really aren't my thing") would probably point out, a scandalous report by me is likely to be pretty tame anyway.
Onward.
"I'm opposed to the idea of a king of the world, but if we have to have one, you're at the top of my list."
- Zvi Moshovitz, discussing my underground campaign for supreme executive power
"Chad, this is one of your favorite lesbians. I don't know where you are, but I hope you're out working on that harem that I'm supposed to be in charge of running when you're King."
- Message from Sheri on my answering machine when I got back from the GP. (Picture a strong southern accent when you say it for full effect.)
What a weekend.
Grand Prix New Orleans was already being referred to as GP Sin long before it finally arrived, and I was looking forward to a great weekend of Magic and mayhem. YMG had a long list of people going -- the usual "If it's a Grand Prix, I'm there" group of Darwin, Rob and myself were joined by the Hump, Sensei Senhouse, Danny Mandel, Chris Manning, Joel Frank, Bruce Cowley, Mo Gilmore, Josh Smith and I'm sure I'm forgetting some others.
Damn, I know there's someone missing on that list. Whoever it is has a nickname, I'm just sure of it...and it's on the tip of my tongue (or fingers, if you prefer). Tightie Whities? No. Nightie Nightie? No. See-through Nightie? Closer, but no. Ah, now I remember.
Mighty Mighty.
Those of you who read these reports already know about Danny Mandel -- how it happened to be his birthday when Darwin, Rob and I were coming back from a very happy GP Manchester, how we decided to buy him a ticket to Dallas as his present, and how he came in 9th, mised the 1700 flag prize and came home with $2000. Well, we decided to do the same thing for Michelle Bush for Christmas. After all, who goes to a city like New Orleans and doesn't bring their resident diva?
Since I'm not working at the moment Michelle and I decided to fly out on Thursday so that no matter what we would have at least one full day to check out the French Quarter. We get in fairly late and went out to a bar/burger place near the hotel for a drink or two and a couple of cheeseburgers before heading off to bed. The next day we sleep in a bit and head out, armed mainly with a map that my girlfriend Alyssa "Chad, I like you but I don't like you that much" Merrit wrote from memory, complete with all the best lingerie and sex shops highlighted.
New Orleans is possibly the most indulgent city in the world. It's almost certainly not the most sinful -- New York has it beat there, and I'm sure Amsterdam does as well. But NO is positively indulgent. Food, drink, music, women, beads...Michelle and I spent much of the weekend looking at each other and asking how exactly two such smart people had chosen to live in Boston when there was no known law against living in New Orleans. We never did come up with a satisfactory answer.
Along the way to the French Quarter we meet a chess hustler alongside a few other guys selling beads and souvenirs. Michelle seems amused enough to wait while I play, so we do, for $10. I used to play tournament chess like I play Magic now, and my rating was just over 2100. I won't ever take these guy's money if I win, but I try hard not to let them take mine, either. In general I'm a stronger player than the hustlers but they know lots of tricks and I'm pretty rusty. We have a pretty balanced game going until he engages in a fairly slow maneuver that lets me take the initiative. He thinks I've missed a tactical point and skewers my queen and rook, but I have a really cute combination that ends up with us in an endgame where I have two extra pawns. It should be a win for me, but will take a long time to prove it, and I offer him a draw. He declines, because I've hinted what my next (seemingly obvious) move will be and he sees that I'm about to fall into a trap. I do, and he is able to sacrifice his rook for my bishop and force his pawn to promote. I have to give up my rook for it, leaving him with a bishop for three slightly-vulnerable pawns. Fortunately I'm still able to force a draw a dozen or so moves later.
On to the real fun. Michelle and I check out most of the Quarter but, being who we are and being guided by Alyssa's map, we spend a disproportionate amount of time checking out lingerie shops and other stores that don't admit minors. One of the stores had a particularly aggressive saleswoman who, assuming Michelle and I were a couple, wanted to know if we had any toys that we used together...
At around 2pm or so we decided to have lunch in a local seafood place/bar. There was a live band playing even though there were only two or three other customers in the place. We ordered gumbo and jambalaya and swapped halfway through. By the time we were done with lunch, around 3pm, the bar was completely full. Go New Orleans.
"If the world worked the way I would run it, women would dress sexy all the time, men would stare at them, and women would like it."
- Darwin Kastle, discussing the secret weapon and one of the reasons he and Michelle get along
By the end of the day we were pretty tired, so we took a nap and waited for the rest of the group to show up. When they did, Danny was sick, Rob was nowhere to be found and Darwin was so tired he didn't want to go out at all. Michelle engaged the secret weapon, wearing a black bustier as a top, and the three of us went out for a drink. On the way back, Darwin decided to take me up on my suggestion from earlier in the week and asked me to trade rooms with him for the rest of the weekend. All right, I trade in a hot chick who's been drinking for sick Danny Mandel! Cool! Wait, how did that work again? Stupid secret weapon.
On to the GP. I sit with the Denver crew and a few assorted pros, take some pictures of David Price, Lauren Passmore and Caroline Kert, and talk about New Orleans.
"She guessed? And her head hasn't exploded?"
- Michelle Bush, referring to Michelle's interest in scoring Becky Hiebert
"I'm trying to maintain this feeling of not caring, despite not being on heavy narcotics."
- Lauren Passmore
"They were the hottest chicks on the street."
- Scott Johns, discussing some drag queens he'd seen the other night. Scott would later claim that he was just quoting someone else, and continues to deny that this quote has anything to do with this report not getting posted. ;)
"And you're savage in the bedroom, right?"
- Lauren discussing my qualifications for being her boy toy
"That's a really nice watch...you really seem to have a sophisticated understanding of this format...[other random nice stuff]"
- Mike Long, making me think of the "What we say to animals (who don't cheat)/what they hear" Far Side cartoons
I register what seems to be the typical Invasion sealed deck -- nothing broken, but plenty of good cards to make a good deck with. They let us sit with whoever we wanted for registration, but when it's time to get decks back we get assigned seating. When I had to trade in Dave, Caroline, Lauren, Zvi and Scott for Mike Long, I should have known things would get worse. I get back a pile of poop. The best I could do with it was a R/G beats deck with very little removal and not enough enhancers to really punch through. For a while I thought the deck might be good enough because I was beating Chris Senhouse whose deck was amazing, but in each of those games I was getting nuts draws and his deck was slightly slow. During round two, when I still had my byes to make up for my deck, I played like seven games against Chris Manning and he smashed me with both his U/W control deck and his alternate R/G beats deck. Then the pairings went up and Chris got to smash me two more games. Sigh.
Round four I played a nice guy who cast Probe with kicker every game we played, followed by Hypnotic Cloud in games one and two. In Game three I only had two cards after the first Probe, so he just Probed a second time, discarding the Cloud so I wouldn't feel bad about not managing to hold onto a land to protect my spells. I won one game where I came out super fast (that time he cast Cloud without kicker), and lost the other two. Looking at a pretty weak deck and no chance to make day two, I decided to drop and cheer on my friends.
Side note -- if you're going to scrub out of a GP, New Orleans is a pretty good place to do it. I had tons of friends to root for, and lots of fun stuff to do. I hated to end my streak of in-the-money finishes, but better here than in some freezing city.
After a bit I decided to enter a side draft. I drafted U/W/b and managed to win the draft. I played my ass off in round two against a G/W deck with more tappers than me, which meant that I had to do things like letting a guy with Wings of Hope hit me while using my removal on his tappers and later bouncing the creature at fairly low life. Eventually I started to take control, using my Sky Weaver to force through some damage and keep him on defense. The key moment came when he sent his Rampant Elephant at me and forced my Sky Weaver to block. I gave the Elephant flying so the Weaver couldn't block it and was able to send for lethal damage the next turn. Becky had opened a foil Blazing Specter in pack one and couldn't resist showing it to the table. She ended up with an insane R/B deck, but my multiple Acolytes and Galina's Knights gave me a significant matchup advantage which proved enough to overcome her generally stronger deck. I took the finals from her 2-1.
My semi-final opponent, a very nice guy and strong player whose name has gone completely out of my head, asked me if I wanted to money draft with him and I agreed. He found a third (again, I'm horrible with names unless I write them down) and we took on some other guys they knew. This draft brought up an interesting question -- if you're drafting G/W/U, which do you take, Kavu Climber or Faerie Squadron? Which is more important, evasion or keeping as much of your base in Green along with the Climber's card advantage?
Think what you'd choose, then ask yourself again. And again. And one more time. I chose the Squadrons all four times I had to make the choice.
The deck I ended up with was insane. I had good enough early plays that no one was likely to punch through, two Quirion Trailblazers as four drops to ramp me and make sure I got the colors I wanted (plus Harrow, for those strange people out there who like Harrow more than Trailblazer), four Faerie Squadrons and a Zunam Djinn...and Treva. My fourth-pick-in the-second-pack Treva.
I swept the draft, losing only one duel to the guy on their team who was also 2-0 when we met. Alas, my teammates had poor luck (one in play, one in the draft) and we managed to lose the draft. They insisted on picking up my share of the loss since I'd gone 3-0, which was pretty cool of them.
So I spent the next day cruising around the city, right? Of course not. Going 6-0 after the 0-2 GP performance had me wondering if I could redeem myself in the day 2 PTQ. At first it looked like it would be small, with most potential players either partying or hung over, but in the end we had 128 people, including a lot of names I recognized.
I had such a weak deck in the main event that it was great to get a good one on Sunday. From memory, so possibly not quite right, I played the following:
1cc: Opt, Tidal Visionary, Cursed Flesh
2cc: Ravenous Rats, Scorching Lava, Vodalian Zombie
3cc: 2x Plague Spitter, Shoreline Raider, Zap, Exotic Curse, Kavu Scout, Stalking Assassin, Repulse, Recover
4cc: 2x Agonizing Demise, Spite/Malice
5cc: Shivan Emmisary, Phyrexian Reaper
6cc: Plague Spores, Hypnotic Cloud
Other: Distorting Wake
1 Salt Marsh
1 Sulphur Vent
6 Islands
6 Swamps
4 Mountains
18 lands, 41 cards, 8 Black sources, 7 Blue sources, 4 Red (plus the Vent can get R or U once).
This is one of those decks that looks like it might be really bad unless you've played with it. After all, I have ten creatures and my Plague Spitters kill most of them. The good news is that I also kill pretty much anything my opponent plays, and with three Red kill spells, Obsidian Acolytes aren't so fatal. Decks with lots of Black creatures can be tough, but any match where my opponent played silly cards like Forests or Plains I won pretty easily.
I felt like I needed 18 lands to get the right color balance and given a fairly top-heavy curve, but I should probably have replaced my Distorting Wake with Urborg Skeleton and cut an Island. Basically I thought about how bad an 0/1 Skeleton was with the Spitters and that a regenerator wasn't really what a deck with so much removal needed, but this is just the wrong way to look at it. First of all, a 1/2 Skeleton is great with Spitters, since it can either send into 2/2s or hold back while you spit them out. Second, most of my removal won't kill Black creatures, which means I'll have trouble against heavy Black decks -- in other words, against the best decks in the field. A Black regenerator is a terrific way to handle cards like Duskwalker or Alloy Golem. The Distorting Wake is a game breaker, but it messes with my mana and definitely sat useless in my hand a few times.
I lost an extremely tight match in round three or four to a guy playing R/B/U with Keldon Necropolis. He won a long game one and I almost came back in game two. I was at four life to his nine with him having out Necropolis and a Black Alloy Golem and me having the Reaper. Not ideal. I draw Plague Spitter and have to cast it. He thinks for a while and decides that instead of trading his guy for my two and putting me to one if I double block (he assigns two damage to each creature, throws his Golem at me, then the Spitter finishes off the Reaper and knocks me down to one), he should just wait a turn. Next turn he can attack and if I double block I just die. Fortunately I pull the U I need to cast Distorting Wake. I'm at three now and he's at eight, so if I just bounce his Golem he can throw it at me and I'll die to the Spitter at upkeep while he'll go to three on his turn and end the game at two. So I have to bounce both his Golem and my Spitter and knock him down to 5. Now if he only has the Golem (and I Clouded him a bit ago so I know he had nothing other than one draw step), I can win by recasting my Spitter. He'll have to play the Golem (not enough mana to use the Necropolis too), I'll spit him to 4 and me to two and send with both guys. If he blocks the Reaper his Golem dies and he goes to two, and then the Spitter can finish him if he hasn't drawn anything. If he blocks the Spitter he just dies. Alas, he had topdecked Exclude.
After five rounds I was 4-1 but was in 17th place, which meant that I would have to win out instead of hoping to draw in if I win round six. Fortunately I managed to do just that, winning game three of the round seven in extra turns by dropping a second Plague Spitter while my opponent was at three life so he would die during my next upkeep.
The Top 8 draft had a lot of good players in it, but whether it's arrogance or just feeling good about my play (it didn't hurt that after the bad GP experience I 3-0'd a side draft and then 3-0'd a team of good players in money draft), I felt like the favorite, especially after I found out that Matt Rubin (who I played in the finals of the PTQ where I Q'd for LA) was interested in taking the cash if he and I met in the finals (we were in opposite brackets). I opened a pack where the best cards were Repulse, Thornscape Apprentice and Stormscape Apprentice and took the Green tapper. I like to send good signals, so I prefer to pass two first-pick Blue cards and nothing great in Green. The pack also had a Benalish Emissary (the white one that blows up lands) and Ordered Migration, both of which sometimes go around the table and are good in G/W/U or 5cG. The next few picks I stick with Green, taking a Spider, a Thicket Elemental and some Nomadic Elves. The only good Green I'm passing is two Explosive Growths. I also get one or two Llanowar Knights (two by the end of the draft, not sure if both were first pack). Alas, neither the Emissary nor the Migration make it back to me, so I give up on 5cG and later ignore my shot at Harrow and Quirion Trailblazer.
What I actually end up with isn't even G/W...both of the Knights stay in my sideboard, along with a Rampant Elephant. What I played was this:
1cc: Thornscape Apprentice, 2x Thunderscape Apprentice
2cc: 3x Nomadic Elves, 3x Quirion Sentinal, 2x Aggressive Urge, Stun, Meteor Storm
3cc: Pincer Spider, 2x Sparring Golem, 4x Kavu Aggressor
4cc: Kavu Runner, Agonizing Demise
5cc: Serpentine Kavu, Kavu Chameleon
9 Forests
7 Mountains
1 Swamp
17 lands, 41 cards...what is up with me and 41 cards?
Yes, that's 4 Aggressors...one of them should have been Tribal Flames, but I was having this odd discussion about the two cards in my head when the judge says, "Take your card" standing right behind me and I just put the Aggressor in my pile.
The tough part of building the deck was deciding just how aggro to go. I managed not to see any Savage Offensives, but I had a second Stun and two Turf Wounds that could go in the main if I wanted to get nuts. I also had a Kavu Climber and Thicket Elemental sitting in my sideboard if I wanted more of a late game. I also had a Repulse in the sideboard, which could be played pretty easily, considering the Sentinals and Nomadic Elves and is a pretty amazing beatdown spell.
I play Chris Pikula in the quarters and win two games that basically go the same way. I come out fast, he puts out good blockers and flyers, I play Meteor Storm and finish him with a cry of, "To the dome, Batman!" It turns out that the only answer he had to the Storm (other than to be at high enough life when he stabilized) was the Blue Emissary in his sideboard. He should have very good chances in any game where the Storm doesn't show up, as he has lots of good blockers and can turn aggressive on me fairly quickly with cards like Faerie Squadron and Angel of Mercy. Chris tells me he'll be angry if I beat him but don't win the slot.
My semi-final match, against Rick Boneau, wasn't too close. He was playing U/B/r control with a fairly high mana curve -- a good deck with lots of powerful cards, but a definite weakness against early beats. He won the die roll and the following discussion took place:
Him: I'll draw.
Me: Wow. Nice game.
OK, I didn't say that, but I thought it. Invasion draft is generally fast enough that it only makes sense to draw first if you know that both players are playing slow control decks. Even then it can be important to play if you want to make sure that you're the one casting cards like Hypnotic Cloud or Probe, or just being the one who gets to Exclude the other's turn-three play. Anyway, I came out way too fast for him and he was always too far down on tempo to put up a decent fight. Unlike Chris, he didn't even attack me (Chris gained some life in game one with an Angel and then hit me with it and a Faerie Squadron, and in game two he knocked me down to 12 before I finished him so that if he drew Wash Out in time he could win).
After the first game he said it was his goal in the match to attack me at least once. I said I was quite happy for both of us to achieve our goals in the match, but he replied that if he met his initial goal it might inspire him to try for something more ambitious, like winning. Ah well.
So then I mention that he has the choice again. We then have the following conversation:
Him: You can play first.
Me: What?
Him: I want to draw. My deck has three colors and high-end spells so I want to make sure my mana is OK.
Me: What?
Him: You can play first.
Me: What?
Him: My deck would rather draw.
Me: Nice match.
OK, none of that was actually said (I have my reputation as one of the nicest guys in Magic to protect), and I know some people like to draw in Limited if their deck has shaky mana, but I was really surprised that he was choosing to draw again. What made it worse is that (and this will be mentioned in an article I'm writing soon) he did it before we sideboarded. Never ever do this! If I know I'm playing I can go on the ultra-aggro plan...I take out the Demise, the Swamp and both fatties and put in two Turf Wound and a second Stun. If I get a decent draw now with a turn two creature and happen to get a turn-three Turf Wound off, the game is over.
My opening draw is two Mountains, Thunderscape Apprentice, Turf Wound, two Aggressors and a Sparring Golem. No Forests, but there are nine in the deck, no turn two play (just as well since they are all green) but a one drop and lots of gas at three if I get a third land in my next two draws. I don't. It doesn't matter. I draw land on the third turn and smash him, even though on his third turn he Zapped my lone attacker. The best part is when he played his Stormscape Master and I forced it to chump block by Stunning his zombie.
The finals didn't actually happen. When the top 8 was announced I chatted a bit with Matt Rubin, who I beat in the finals in Edison. We were in opposite brackets, so I mentioned we might have a finals rematch. Then I said I didn't suppose he'd be interested in taking the prize and giving me the slot, and it turns out he was quite interested. He's Q'd for Tokyo (I couldn't go even if I was due to a wedding commitment) and needs money to help with the costs and I guess he figures he's got a good shot at Barcelona either through Tokyo, limited rating or playing in other PTQs. So when we meet in the finals I tell him the offer is still there, although I've been told by spectators that my deck would take his apart. He asks if I'm including the box of cards and I say sure...why argue when I'm getting the slot? Next time (if there is a next time), I'll probably insist on keeping the box or even some of the money, but anyone who values $500 more than a PTQ slot should be pretty happy to see me in the finals.
Of course, during the PTQ top 8 I was sneaking peeks at the GP top 8 where Michelle went just one match short of being the first woman to win a premiere event. A relative unknown who (I believe) won his byes at a trial and didn't even know about the Master's events (which he can now Gateway for) had given Michelle her only loss in the Swiss and beat her again in the finals.
What a weekend. Michelle, of course, almost went all the way, putting forward what has to be the top achievement for a female Magic player, as well as better than anything most male players (including me) have ever done. The best, however, was yet to come. ..
"You don't have any guns or drugs in here, do you?"
- Alex Shvartsman, as he prepared to carry Michelle's bag through airport security
[long pause] "Um, no."
- Michelle Bush
With the Your Move Flu combined with perhaps one too many hurricanes, Michelle wasn't feeling too good the next morning. Alex Shvartsman, being the fine gentleman that he is, offered to carry her bag for her. As we approached security, Alex joked with Michelle about there being any danger to trying to get her bag through security and Michelle's long pause when he asked about guns or drugs gave him pause. I knew what Michelle was thinking and watched with great amusement to see if "Alex's" bag would be searched.
The resulting story has already spread throughout the Magic community, and I'm sure that each time it's told something new is added. My favorite story-about-the-story is that Brian Davis apparently tried to tell Alex the story in Amsterdam and when Alex said he already knew all about it Brian is said to have replied, "Well, I'm sure I heard about it before you did." It's certainly a story that one can add to or speculate about, but I prefer to keep it down to one simple fact:
Alex Shvartsman got stopped trying to carry a large vibrator through airport security.
I can't think of a better end point than that.
Props:
General props for all my opponents -- once again, a tournament where I enjoyed every match.
Wolf, the judge who watched my matches in the top 8. It was a pleasure to meet you, Sir. I look forward to seeing you at other events.
Michelle. What can I say? Not only did we become much closer friends, you damn near mised the whole GP, created a scandal at the airport, and were 100% good times.
Slops:
You have got to be kidding.
Hugs,
- Chad Ellis
Team Diesel, Team Your Move Games...and now, Team Monkey Pants
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