How do you follow up a critically acclaimed album? Well, that all depends. If you're Thom Yorke, you shatter expectations by burning the rulebook and creating something completely unique and groundbreaking. If you're Kevin Shields, you become a fucking hermit. And, apparently, if you're Stephin Merritt, you don't. Since the release of 1999's critic's darling, 69 Love Songs, Merritt has revived two of his side projects-- the 6ths and Future Bible Heroes-- thus, providing him with the opportunity to release an abundance of material without actually facing the dreaded follow-up to his three-disc box.

While Future Bible Heroes provided Merritt with a songwriting collaborator, the 6ths consists of a motley crew of guest vocalists covering a batch of all-new Merritt tunes. And, like 1995's Wasps' Nest, Hyacinths and Thistles seems to be in keeping with Merritt's musical style du jour. Whereas Wasps' Nest contained brilliant synth-pop gems much in keeping with The Charm of the Highway Strip's better tracks, Hyacinths and Thistles contains more organic material reminiscent of 69 Love Songs, along with the occasional synth-driven throwback. But the biggest difference between the two 6ths records is obvious: Wasps' Nest allowed some of indie rock's finest vocalists to lend their talents to a grade-a batch of Merritt tunes; Hyacinths and Thistles pairs remarkably average Merritt songs with largely substandard vocalists.

The record kicks off with "As You Turn to Go," a run-of-the-mill, baroque Merritt ballad, with fellow synth-pop purveyor Momus providing vocals. Aside from the addition of a British accent and a few added notes in the upper register, Momus and Merritt are virtually indistinguishable from one another. But like Puffy Combs attempting the resurrection of "Kashmir" with Jimmy Page on guitar, it's a long way off from the real thing.

But while "As You Turn to Go" is far from brilliant, the worst of Hyacinths and Thistles is about as much fun as a glass shard enema administered by a spastic mental patient. Melanie's rendition of "I've Got New York" is the sound of an alcoholic grandmother picking warts off her feet. As her voice twists and grates, you can't help but wonder what exactly Merritt was thinking when he asked for her "help" with his record. Why choose a 1970s flash-in-the-pan over Low's Mimi Parker, Stereolab's Laetitia Sadier or Movietone's Rachel Brook? Jesus, even Ana Voog would be better suited!

Bob Mould offers up another awkward moment on the ballad, "He Didn't," a song that fits Mould about as well as leopard-print spandex. Admittedly, his discomfort is somewhat endearing for a few brief moments, but it's not the kind of thing that makes for repeated listens. But the album's nadir comes with the album's mind-numbing closer, "Oahu," which ends with a synthesizer looping the same few bars for nearly 10 minutes.

But despite its glaring flaws (Gary Numan among them), Hyacinths and Thistles is still graced by the inherent decency of Stephin Merritt's songwriting. His witty take on life and love, while dampened by the lack of his trademark delivery, is still present. Besides, there are only so many side projects Merritt can toss off before the next true Magnetic Fields record is released. Maybe after one more Gothic Archies album, Merritt's fans will finally get what they deserve.

-Matt LeMay