PLA's first tape is 60 full minutes of hilarious prank calls. You'll hear classics such as Mildred Monday, Alex Carbon and other assorted pranks. Below is a list of each call on the first tape with a description and possibly a sound clip. As of this update, the sound clip sites keep disappearing and new ones keep popping up since I don't have the space or bandwidth to store them myself. To listen to pranks, try going to the PLA sites page instead. Look on the bottom for a few sound storage links.
| Mildred | Mildred Monday gets a little confused when she receives a third-number billing request from herself. She insists that she is the real Mildred and doesn't want no long distance charges on her phone. |
|---|---|
| Sleepin' with my wife? | Mr. Cravens receives a collect call from himself and is nice enough to accept the charges. When asked what the hell he's doing in our house he says he's sleepin' with his wife. |
| Probably possessed | Radio Shack employee is dumbfounded when Martini tells him that although she's unplugged her new stereo and taken the batteries out, it's still blasting tunes. He finally comes to the conclusion that the stereo must be possessed. We've got questions, they've got answers - just not the right ones. |
| Kilsey's phone | Mr. Vandergrift swears he didn't make that $7000 in calls on his phone bill but if we have to shut off his phone, that's fine cause "he don't ever use it much no way." |
| Are you mad? | 215-year-old Alex Carbon gets really pissed off when I ask him about his outstanding telephone bill and yells at me like only an old man could. |
| Kay | Roy dials directory assistance and asks to speak with his favorite operator, Kay so that she'll get the commission for giving him a number. The lady thinks she's dealing with an obsessed nutcase and trys to reassure Roy that they don't work on commission and that she doesn't know who Kay is. She did so well that you'd think she used to work on a suicide hotline or something. |
| Roy's t-shirt | T-shirt company says that if Roy wants a picture of his penis on a t-shirt, he has to bring in a picture, he can't just come in and pose for it. Damn store policies. |
| Roy's guitar | This guy is kind of rude when he informs Roy that he can't make a guitar in the shape of his penis. |
| MCI | A telephone operator clears up a misconception that MCI stands for Measley Communication Imbeciles. |
| Electric charge | Operator refuses to send an electrical charge through the phone to shock the hell out of my neighbor. Must be policy. |
| 900 abuse | After asking a psychic if Ameritech is going to bust me for 900 fraud, she says she's gonna have to hang up. |
| Donut holes | Ever wonder how donuts get the hole in the middle of them? This donut shop cashier tells us that she sticks her penis through the donuts to make the holes. I don't think I'll be shopping at Winchell's anymore. |
| Roy's Place | This sign company lady thinks it's hilarious when Roy asks her if he can get a neon sign on the front of his house that reads, "Roy's Place" and has a big neon picture of his penis. |
| 2nd hand store | Salvation Army cashier trainee thinks I've seriously cut off my hand and I'm checking to see if they have any spares. |
| Pay phone? | I try to convince a girl that her business phone is really a pay phone and she'd better deposit some money or else. |
| Train tracks | Would whould've thought that a reputable company like Amtrack doesn't have train tracks across the water to Hawaii. Guess from now on I'll stick to Greyhound. |
| Kilsey's car | We tell Kilsey's wife that his Ford Escort is ready to be picked up but Kilsey's wife doesn't seem to recall him owning an Escort. |
| Relay Service messages | Every state has a message relay service for the deaf where you can type in a message from a TTY machine and they'll call the person who doesn't own a TTY and translate for you. Here are some of the funnier messages that we left on our own voicemail via a TTY machine. |
| Video store | Floyd calls the video store to tell them his VCR ate the tape again and it was shootin' out of the VCR like spaghetti. |
| Steak! | The manager of this restaurant aims to please an unhappy customer by getting down on his knees and saying he's very very sorry about the bad meal. Then he threatens us with a paintball war. |
| Mildred 2 | Mildred is spooked even further when she receives a collect call from herself. |
| Mildred 3 | Shellie calls up Mildred and claims to be her. Mildred finds this very peculiar. |
| Edward's poop | A lady dials a wrong number and gets my house. Boy, did she make a mistake. |
| HoHoCon | We call a certain hotel in Austin, Texas and start asking for random rooms on the second floor. |
| Black & white roach | Dang, I guess I read the newspaper wrong. |
| Girl's bike | We call about a girl's bike in the newspaper and the lady answering the phone is even crazier than we are. |
| Nurse | "I need a job and can't afford the babysitter. We can just tie the kids to the bed there, can't we?" |
| Horse manure | At $5.00 per pick up load, who could refuse a deal like this? She thinks it's kind of strange that I want to shovel it in my car's back seat instead of my truck, though. |
| Modem | We call a certain store and inform them of a scam we just pulled off in their store. The lady working the service desk throws down the phone and runs off to check and see if we're serious. |
| I wanted it | Zak calls about a car for sale, then breaks down crying after finding out that it's already been sold. |
| Motorcycle | This guy takes Zak for some kind of joker when he asks what color chrome is. |
| Go to hell | Just by calling and asking for Joe at 3:30 in the morning makes this guy yell at us loud enough to make Alex Carbon sound like a wimp. |
| You old deaf hoodlum | Zak calls up an old man named Roy and asks him silly questions. Since Roy has very bad hearing, he repeats everything we say back to us all wrong. This is one of the funniest calls in the universe. (just an opinion, of course) |
| Listen here, sucker | A guy thinks he can talk down to me just because I'm a video store manager. Well, I guess I showed him. |
| Phillipsburg comerce | This isn't a prank call, but the answering machine message from a Phillipsburg's chamber of commerce that I found quite amusing. |
| What are you wearing? | Martini calls another Radio Shack seeking help on shutting her stereo off. This guy isn't much more help and hangs up when she starts flirting with him. |
| You're very gullible | I practically explain to this guy that someone is at a pay phone pretending to be him and wants to charge a call to his house but he says to put the call through anyway. |
| Alfred is here in his chair | This lady just doesn't believe me when I tell her that Alfred is billing a call to her house. |