Toy Noir

'Twas the week after Christmas, and there wasn't a blessed thing to be found in the toy aisles. Well, that may be something of an exaggeration, but what I did find on my recent post-holiday toy run was nothing to write home about -- although I do think it's something to write Toy Time about.

I set out on a chilly midwinter's morning, not really expecting to find much of anything after the Christmas rush. I was right. Boy, was I right. My first stop was Target, where bare pegs stuck out from the shelves like a medieval gauntlet. A few lonely, lame Star Wars figures hung on the pegs, like refugees from the Island of Misfit Toys. You know their names. You've seen their faces. Dengar. Xixor. Malakili. Lost, stupid, abandoned toys, waiting for some desperate completist to come along before they're incinerated like Mego's Logan's Run figures.

Target shook us up pretty badly, so I headed up to KB. I remembered back when it had been called "Kay-Bee", back when you got more for your money. Everything's shorter these days, except for the action figures.

KB looked pretty good at first. There were figures on the pegs and toys stacked up on the shelves. But then I got up close and saw what those toys really were. The pegs were choked up with Marvel Universe and Ghost Rider figures. Row after row of Weapon X snarled out at us, trying to put up a brave front. But if you listened real close, you could hear him begging to be bought. Same for the Trenchcoat Thing figures and 10-inch She-Hulks. There's a doll I always felt bad for. Used to be a warrior princess, until some ad wizard painted her green and gave her a ripped shirt. She-Hulks were stacked up to the ceiling in irregular boxes, ready to topple.

Things got sorrier still further back in the store. There was no order, no system to anything. The few remaining toys had been jumbled up and stacked in with one another. Star Trek and Superman, Captain Simian and Congo. I couldn't stand to look around any more so I trudged over to Toys R Us.

The front of the store was clogged with irate parents making returns. I shoved and grunted my way past the mob and headed towards Aisle 7C. It was the same as the rest. Nothing new, nothing good was on the pegs. A stack of dusty "Superboy Sky-Cycles", marked down to three bucks, was collecting dust on top of the shelves, while pegs of Crash and Smash Hulk figures growled from their blisters. They say the Hulk's the strongest one there is. They didn't see these forgotten Hulks. I saw lots of Terminator 2 figures, too. Just sitting there, row after row, collecting dust and looking old. Kind of like Schwarzenegger these days.

No, the toy stores are a cold and lonely place this time of year. The kids have got their fix and the parents just want to be left alone. And the rest of us? The rest of us will just have to sit tight and wait for the stores to restock. Looks to be a long winter, gang. Hope that groundhog sees his shadow.

Hasbro's web site now lists upcoming Star Wars products for the first half of 1998. In addition to Waves 13 through 16 of 3 3/4-inch figures, as reported in a previous Toy Time column, we can expect to see figures of Ugnaughts and 8-D8 as Waves 17 and 18, respectively, and Death Star Trooper and Ree-Yees as Wave 19. There will also be a new three-pack of Jabba's Dancers: Rustall, Greeata, and Lyn Me.

The first quarter of 1998 will also see the release of the Princess Leia Collection, a series of 3 3/4-inch two-packs. These figures will have cloth accessory costumes. The two-packs will feature Princess Leia with R2-D2, with Luke Skywalker, with Han Solo, and with Wicket the Ewok.

Kenner's new Gunner Station figures and playsets will ship in the second quarter of 1998. Han Solo and Luke Skywalker will be shipped with gunner stations from the Millenium Falcon, and Darth Vader will ship with a TIE Fighter Gunner Station.

Avatar Press and Bolt Entertainment have announced two new collectibles for 1998. The first is a statue based on Matt Martin's Snowman character. This incredibly nifty looking statue will stand 13 inches tall and weight 20 pounds. It will be limited to 1,000 pieces and carry a suggested retail price of $175.00.

A somewhat less pricey item from Avatar and Bolt is this figure of Mercy, who will be familiar to readers of Bill Maus' Nira-X comic. This winged figure will sport 12 points of articulation and stand 7 inches tall, and will be limited to 20,000 pieces. Mercy will ship at 6 figures per case, and one figure in each package will be a special "blue costume" variant figure. This is by far one of the nicest independent action figure's we've seen in a long time. Maybe it's a sign that 1998 will be a great year for the little guys out there.

previous toy time

Toy Time for Jan. 2, 1998
Toy Time, Dec. 26, 1997
Toy Time for Dec. 19, 1997
Toy Time, Dec. 12, 1997
Toy Time, Dec. 5, 1997
Toy Time, Nov. 26, 1997	A look at the newest toys from McFarlane and upcoming Witchblade figures, and praise for Daredevil.
Toy Time, Nov. 21, 1997	A look at the newest high-end and large-scale Trek products from Playmates.
Toy Time, Nov. 14, 1997	Reviews of Avengers figures and the Batman movie figures collection.
Toy Time, Nov. 7, 1997
Toy Time, Oct. 31, 1997
Toy Time, Oct. 24, 1997
Toy Time, Oct. 17, 1997
Toy Time, Oct. 10, 1997
Toy Time for Oct. 3, 1997
Toy Time, Sept. 26, 1997	Micro Machines! Micro Star Trek! All things Micro!
Toy Time, Sept. 19, 1997	All the toys that are fit to play with. And KISS action figures, too.
Toy Time for Sept. 12, 1997
Toy Time, Aug. 29, 1997	Three new Marvel assortments head up this week's Toy Time.
Toy Time, Aug. 15, 1997	The Klingon weapon with the spring-loaded tangs is just one of the new Star Trek hand-action toys.
Toy Time, Aug. 8, 1997	We take a look at some higher end collectibles this week. But hey, we can dream can't we? Legend in 3-D are putting out some of the coolest statues around. They've also got all of the hottest licenses out right now including Babylon 5, Star Trek and Star Wars. Catch a glimpse here. Plus take a gander at the Al Simmons exclusive figure from the San Diego Comic Com.
Toy Time, Aug. 1, 1997	What's Toy Biz up to?
Toy Time, July 25, 1997	New toys unveiled at the San Diego Comic Convention!
Toy Time, July 18, 1997
Toy Time, July 11, 1997	A look at the hot toys hitting shelves now!
Toy Time, July 4, 1997	Turok: Dinosaur Hunter toys
Toy Time, June 27, 1997	What toys through yonder window breaks?
Toy Time, June 13, 1997
Toy Time, June 6, 1997
Toy Time, May 30, 1997	The Men in Black are hereand MANIA's got 'em. Plus: Star Wars Exclusives and a new Limited Trek figure!
Toy Time, May 23, 1997	They're addictive, demanding and really strange looking. They're children! Get yours today... or try easing into the water with electronic pets such as Tamagotchi.
Toy Time, May 16, 1997	Irwin offers internet ReBoot action figure deal. We've also got pictures of the latest Applause Marvel release.
Toy Time, May 9, 1997	shelves.
Toy Time, May 2, 1997	Galoob makes a stab at the licence for the new Star Wars Trilogy. Full Moon launches toy line. The Men in Black line prepares to invade the toy stores.